Three Reasons Why No One Should Read This: Or, I Love Michelle Obama's Wardrobe

Things I dislike about blogs:

1. Confessional blogging is based on the assumption that your life is not only interesting enough to write about, but that it is so interesting that other people ought to read about it. (This is not aimed at you in particular. Your life is definitely worth reading about.)

2. Blogging makes it possible for everybody to be a writer. Everybody cannot be writers. a. (I am not a writer either. If Linda Gregorson says that she does not consider herself a poet, I can't consider myself one, either.)

3. Not only does blogging make it possible for everybody to write about their uninteresting lives, it also rests on the foundation that everybody's opinion is worthwhile. (However, I am very interested in your opinion. Please leave comments below.) The only opinions that are worth reading about are ones that are well-reasoned, backed up by thorough research, and have been formed after examining all sides of the issue about which said opinion has been made. (If we want otherwise, we will consult our friends. Or FOX.)

This leaves us at an interesting crossroads. My life is uninteresting even to me, so I can't write a detailed account of my daily existence. I don't have a popular hobby about which to write in the hopes of attracting a readership composed of other like-minded knitters/chefs/gardeners/fetishists (just kidding on that one, Mom!). The only movies I watch are the ones guaranteed to make me laugh, not think (speaking of which, you must watch Death Race 2000, a 1975 flick starring David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone), so that nixes a film-criticism blog. Being neither a student of economic nor politics, I am unqualified to openly discuss either subject in a public forum. . . Wait, I know! Michelle Obama! And J. Crew!

The First Lady shops at J. Crew. How proletariat of her! I can infer from that fact alone that she can relate to me. Not that I have ever stepped foot inside of a J. Crew -- too expensive. I own three articles of J. Crew clothing, all of which were purchased for $12 or under at second-hand stores. But never mind that. She doesn't wear pantyhose! She goes sleeveless! Look at those outfits! What style! What class! And check out that close-up cover of Time. I mean, wow -- she's how old? She is a total FLILF (and I mean that with all respect). Even Maxim ranked her #93 out of the world's 100 hottest women. Editor Joe Levy said, "The president may be dealing with two wars, an economic meltdown and a rapidly graying dome, but at least he gets to come home to the hottest first lady in the history of these United States." Hell yeah, dog!

I think the media's got the right idea. Michelle Obama's hot. She's young(ish). She's stylish. She's the new Jackie. So her image should be blasted across the front of every magazine across the country from Vogue to The New Yorker (well, that one's a sketch, but still). Let's look at her. That way, we'll be too busy gawking at her perfectly-sculpted biceps and platinum Badgley Mishka gown to notice that she's mobilizing an activist task force to fight for working families. Can you imagine how much money companies could lose if that anti-pregnancy discrimination clause of the Civil Rights Act was enforced? And paternity leave? You mean family life might affect the male workforce, too? She's showing off those guns for a reason, people.