Prop 8: the American Dream

Believe me, I understand why some people are so vehemently opposed to the idea of two people of the same sex getting married. Homosexuality is a direct threat to the stability of our society.

Look at what we're up against, America: we've got a black man in the nation's highest office. We almost elected a woman to be our presidential candidate. More fathers are assuming the stay-at-home role. Homosexuality is becoming mainstream. We've got to fight this demon that is gay marriage before the patriarchal power structure of American society is turned on its head!

A lesbian is a huge threat to a male determined to retain his concentrated power. There is no room for the male in this relationship: he cannot define a lesbian in opposition with himself because she takes control of her identity. Whereas heterosexual women are defined by their relationships to men, lesbians cannot be defined this way because they reject such a relationship. Surely you can see how detrimental this is to a patriarchal power structure. To the straight male, the lesbian represents the possibility of true gender equality. Danger, danger!

Gay men, too, are sources of concern for the status quo. A gay man who can embrace his inner femininity is a threat because he does not need to dominate the female sex. He recognizes the female part of his psyche and can accept it and nourish it; it is not something to be feared. He doesn't need to cage it because he has tamed it.

So letting gays get married will upset the status quo -- it will change the power structure of our society, it will change gender relations, it will bring us another step closer to gender equality and also helps to blur the rigid lines along which our ideas of gender are constructed. And just think about what will happen if we let gays raise children! Someday we might end up with an entire generation of teenagers who don't dress like absolute douche bags.

But seriously, we've gotta hand it to the GLBT community. Gays are the new black people. A generation ago, our oligarchs used race as the smoke screen for class inequality. Now that we have a black man in the Oval Office and racism is officially over, the ruling elite needs something else to keep the calamaty of social democracy at bay. Muslims and terrorists filled in nicely for a few years there, but there aren't a whole lot of Islamic fundamentalists in America. The Muslim terrorists are good "outsiders," but we really need something on the inside to hate. We need rats, we need to be able to pick out saboteurs working from the inside.

Enter the gays.

Well, gay community, by taking all this heat over wanting to give your profound romantic love the fullest possible social expression, you've provided the far Right with a means to distract public attention from pressing economic concerns. But we're in full-blown recession now, you know. We've even got politicians talking about universal health care. You need to put on your tap-dancing shoes and step up your game, because right now Western capitalism is weak. Turns out Reaganomics was built on a faulty foundation, after all. You need to get ready for war, because if the plutocrats don't fight you, they'll be forced to fight socialism instead. And we all know that there are dangerous people lurking in the shadows, just waiting for the prime opportunity to dismantle the ideal is the for-profit health care.

The American dream is under attack by the forces of social democracy -- and only a gay marriage ban will save it. Let's keep gays from getting married so the media outlets can focus on that story instead of universal health care debate. If we don't get Congress to talk about how we can stop two consenting, responsible adults from building a stable family unit, it might start talking about labour reform instead! And what's worse, if these two consenting, responsible adults are allowed to build stable family units, they'll be mainstream, they won't be banished to the fringes of society anymore, and they'll have all this energy left over from the equal rights struggle! And what do you think they're gonna do with all that excess energy? They're gonna wanna fix even more shit!

Well, I for one am going to write to my Congressman and let him know that I support a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Because America's robber barons depend on that to divert public scrutiny away from them. And what better diversion could there possibly be than the sexual activities of complete strangers? I mean, America's charting her course towards the future. If we don't have things like gay marriage to keep us focused, we might end up with a social welfare state.

Ronald Reagan dreamed of an America where anyone can get rich. If you don't fight gay marriage, you might have to fight the issue it's been used to mask instead. It's up to you, America. Do you want to live in a society where a gay couple can enjoy the same tax benefits as a hetero couple, or do you want to live in a society where everyone is free from want?

Get those pencils ready!